I am writing about this because otherwise I may forget it ever happened and then it won’t have existed. Yesterday, for more than a few fleeting moments, I felt like ‘me’ for the first time in nearly two whole years. It is a fucking miracle. Isnt the universe great? Last week I was falling into a pit of despair and hopelessness, I was contemplating that if this is as good as it gets, because the here and now in this moment is all we can rely on, then how can we judge if it is good enough for us in the long term?
So for just a few moments, a few different ones, probably adding up to about 10 minutes all in all, I was ‘me’. I felt enthusiasm, I felt in control, I felt hopeful and happy as I used to. See the main photo – which was taken a couple of years ago before I got sick, before everything went wrong, before I forget how to feel like ‘me’. Now I am working to getting back to also looking like the old ‘me’, begone steroid bloat and acne, bring on the fresh veg and good old water. The weather is improving so the urge to hibernate is lifting, walking seems more appealing and the sun really helps with my pain, so in the now, today, right now, I see that there is hope, that things can get better, that being sick is not the death sentence is sometimes feels like and that feels amazing.
I wanted to let other spoonies out there know that things can get better, really, don’t give up. xxx